Dawn of Anarchy
by The Dib
Summary: Dib, Lard Nar, Tak, and a Vortian named Tex go to Irk with a plan to take over. Mostly humorous. No romance. Several OC characters included. This is a collaboration with user 120898.
1. The Delivery Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim.

Plot: Dib goes to Irk with Tak, Lard Nar, and another Vortian. Will his plan go accordingly?

NOTE: This is a collaboration between myself and my friend, Aku. Her ID is 1208984.  
Please do not use any of our ideas for your own fanfictions or claim them to be your own.  
Thank you.

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"CAPTAIN, SIR! IT ATE YOUR CHAIR!" yelled the urgent voice of a male Vortian. He had a slight Irish-sounding accent. He was wearing a white coat with a brown shirt on under it shirt, cream-colored pants pants, black gloves, and black sunglasses. Like all Vortians, he had sharp teeth, three fingers on each hand, light horn-like antennae, and toeless stilt-like legs. He had gray skin.  
The Vortian tripped over his feet and found himself on the cold metal floor of the Resisty ship. He quickly picked himself up and bounded towards the door that led to the captain's study. The door slid open automatically when he neared it.

Inside, another Vortian was looking at a hologram that displayed a map obtained from satellite dishes around Earth. The Vortian's name was Lard Nar, and he was the captain of The Resisty. He was just over four feet tall. He wore a blue suit with two black belts that had cyan buckles. On his face was a pair of blue goggles with green lenses that resembled the lovely color of vomit.

Lard Nar's eyes were wide in horror when he heard the other Vortian. He immediately stopped what he was doing. "OH, OH BLOODY HELL! NOT THE CHAIR! Tex, I thought we contained that thing!" He leaped down from the table he was standing on and hurried out of the room. Tex followed him out to the main control deck.

"We got it under control, Sir!" shouted a brown alien wearing a dark green outfit. He and several other members of the crew were standing around an enormous metal box. Behind them was the captain's chair, or where it would have been, anyway. What remained was a broken robotic arm.

Lard Nar fell to his hands and knees and let his head drop. "WHY! OF ALL THE THINGS, THE PEOPLE IT COULD HAVE DESTROYED!"  
He didn't mean it, but was obviously upset. After a moment of silent breathing, he returned to an upright position and slowly nodded at Spleenk. "Right, then... Are you positive it won't escape this time?"

"No, Sir!" Spleenk responded promptly.

"Hmm... Well we are almost there. It won't be in our hands for long," Lard Nar said with the hope of getting the energy experiment delivered to Zim's doorstep within the next hours. He smiled as he realized something. "Knowing Zim, he'll probably end up being devoured by it. That, or he'll transport it to the Tallest without any confinement and they will be devoured."

Lard Nar pointed to the room he had come out of. "I located where Zim is on a map. It's close to where our last ship self-destructed," he said, frowning when mentioning what happened. He lowered his hand. "We're going to land in a rural area nearest to the city he's in, and someone is going to bring the energy experiment to his front door." He paused. "Uhh... or we could just fly overhead and drop it."

"I vote for flying overhead," Tex replied quickly, not eager to transport the heavy box on foot, especially on a planet with a strong gravitational pull. "As long as we don't miss... Though I guess dropping it through the roof of Zim's house wouldn't be too much of a bummer."

"Hmm... yes. The more I think about, the more that sounds like a better plan. Any objections to the dropping plan?" Lard Nar asked.

Amongst the crew, there were a few nods and no objections.

"Alright! We're going to Earth!"


	2. Tak's Rescue

After thinking a lot about this fan fiction, I have decided on some things. Thanks to those of you who reviewed! We have big plans for this story.

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"Incoming transmission!' yelled an exuberant purple cone shaped alien who was known as Shloonktapooxis. He hovered into the room and flew towards the captain, then stopped in front of him.

Lard Nar instantly looked in the direction of his chair, which was where he used to sit to receive calls. With a frown, he looked at the cone and asked, "Who is it from?"

"Uhhhh... An Irken escape pod," Shloonktapooxis said loudly with a grin, tongue poking out of the side of his mouth.

The captain and several crew members silently stared at Shloonktapooxis.  
Lard Nar paused for a while, eyes wide. "An IRKEN? Hmm... this could be bad. Accept the call!"

Lard Nar walked towards the remains of his chair and turned to face the large window. He could spot the escape pod outside the ship. This was soon replaced with the head of the person calling them. It caught the crew by surprise that the person was not an Irken, but a seemingly frightened human girl. She was inside the escape pod like Shloonktapooxis said. She was breathing heavily as though she had just been running from someone. "Please, I urgently need help!" she said quickly. She had a British-sounding accent.

"Why do you need help? What happened?" Lard Nar asked, unsure what to make of the situation just yet.

"An alien... like you, but green with red eyes and black antennae... He threw me into this thing and I don't know where I am! I live on Earth. I want to go home!" she pleaded.

"Zim is sending humans into space now?" Lard Nar asked himself. He kept his eyes on the girl. "Do you know why he did it? How long have you been in there?"

Shloonktapooxis hovered beside the captain, watching the screen intently. Tex was visible in the lower right corner of the screen. looking up at it. Spleenk, Nin, Cloaky, and the rest of the crew listened from behind the area where the captain was standing.

The girl shook her head. "I don't know why, and I don't know how long, either. There's no way to tell! Please, please help me... I can make it up to you!"

An apprehensive Lard Nar squinted and paused, scrutinizing the look on the girl's face. "I don't know about this," he said quietly as he leaned near Shloonktapooxis, looking sideways at a few of the crew members. "She could be lying. What if she's being controlled by an Irken?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Oh, come on. We gotta help her," said Spleenk with a sympathetic frown. "It's our duty to help victims of Irkens in times like this."

"If she is an Irken, we will be a step ahead of her," Tex commented. "We are going to Earth anyway. We'll need to land in order to drop her off, though."

Lard Nar looked down thoughtfully, then nodded, despite his lingering paranoia. He turned to face the girl. "We're letting you on the ship and will take you to Earth. Is there anything else you want to tell me before I end the call? Ah wait, what is your name?"

"Tak," the girl said, wiping a fake tear from her eye in relief. "Thank you very much."

Lard Nar attempted a smile. Instead, the corners of his mouth twitched and it came out looking more like a sneer. The rest of the crew looked proud to be helping her. The call was ended.

Tak was smiling. She let out a small laugh when they could no longer see her. "This is easy. I'm coming for you, Zim," she said aloud, baring her teeth threateningly at the end of her sentence. She had been trapped, floating in space for years. It gave her a lot of time to dwell on her hatred towards Zim. She was furious with the two bastards who got her stuck like this, and the Tallest for refusing to send help. She was soon teleported into the control deck from the escape pod, which was assumed to be useless. She instantly looked around at her new surroundings and put a false look of worry on her face.

"HI THERE!" someone yelled. It was Shoonktapooxis. He flew towards Tak, causing her to lean backwards and narrow her eyes dangerously when he hovered uncomfortably close to her face.  
"I'm Shloonktapooxis, but you can call me S or Shloonk. That's what everyone else does! And over there is Three-headed Man, Cloaky, Spleenk, Spoof, Blogy, Tex, Davis, Wilson, and Lardy!"

"Hell-" Tak began to say, but cut herself off and shrieked as something acidic was poured down her back.

"Oh! And that's Nin!" Shloonktapooxis added.

Tak gasped and jumped, turning around to find that a green blob alien was standing behind her, and vomiting something purple. Eyes wide, she struggled to show no further reaction that indicated she was in pain, not wanting them to be suspicious. She clenched her hands, forcefully enduring it. Her arms twitched as she turned back to the funnel alien. "Nice to meet you... Shloonk. Do you have a cloth I can use to wipe this off of me?"

Lard Nar ran up to Tak, Nin, and Shloonktapooxis. He stopped a few feet away from them. "Ah! I'm sorry about that! She does that sometimes," he apologized, looking displeased with the blob alien. She vomited again, this time on nothing but the floor.

Tex muttered something and left the main deck to get cleaning supplies from another room.

"Aw... That stuff never comes out. Good thing you're not wearing white," Spleenk said when he saw what happened. He pointed to a purple stain on his clothes. "Tex always wears white and she throws up on him a lot."

"That's alright," Tak said through her teeth. "A cloth, please?"

Shloonktapooxis was grinning. "Yeeeah, she does that when she's nervous or when she wants something, or when she doesn't like you. She does it to Tex all of the time because he's always trying to kill Lardy and it's fun to make him clean stuff because he hates cleaning! But don't worry, she doesn't bite or anything. She might try to make you slip on her vomit or throw up on you again, though."

Tak rose an eyebrow at him, glancing at the blob, who frowned and narrowed its eyes when she looked at it. She turned back to Shloonktapooxis. "Right... "

Tex came back, dragging a long hose. He had a white cloth in his hand. He dropped the hose on the floor near the mess and approached Tak, giving her the cloth. She immediately began wiping off the purple vomit.


	3. Return Of Zitboy

Please let us know if you see typos. These chapters are being continuously revised.

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On Earth, it had been six years since Zim was given his mission. He was still oblivious to the Tallest's lies. He pursued creating schemes for world domination as frequently as ideas popped into his head, and Dib continued to form plans to stop him. Very little changed for Zim and Dib in the past six years. In fact, they were still in the same classroom together. Zim showed no signs of aging or emotional maturity, which was to be expected of an Irken. Dib grew both mentally and physically, but he was still the same high-strung, obsessive, and inquisitive kid.

When Zim learned about students moving on to higher grades and graduating, he saw it as an opportunity to get away from his enemy. He managed to get himself held back a grade, assuming that Dib would end up in another classroom in a few years. However, Dib found out about this, and he did the same to cancel out Zim's plan. As a result, the two boys ended up staying in the same classroom together for six years. Even Old Kid had moved on and gone to highschool.  
Zim was able to fit in well with the rest of the class due to a lack of growth, but Dib stuck out like a sore, skinless thumb.

Zim was nowhere to be seen at the Skool today. Dib sat at his usual seat in the front row near the window. He looked uncomfortable in his chair, having to slouch when he wanted to write something. He was taller than most boys his age. He wore black knee-high boots with large gray buckles, black pants, a black shirt with a blue buttoned up coat over it, blue gloves, a black cape, and enormous blue goggles that replaced his glasses. His hair had grown out, the shape now resembling a stereotypical lightning bolt.

Children began to leave when it was time for lunch. They flooded into the hall, then into the cafeteria where they would be served their daily slop. Dib followed suit, no longer expecting Zim to be at school today. He was curious about where his enemy was and if he was working on a new diabolical plot to enslave humanity.

Zim was walking to school that very moment. He was very late and disappointed with the failure of his latest diabolical plot to enslave humanity. Covering his face were dozens of tiny zits, all with smiley faces drawn on them with a sharpie in his attempt to conjure up a new Pustulio.

"The humans won't suspect a thing. The Dib might, but he won't be able to comprehend the complexities of my ingenious plan," Zim said to himself as he walked towards the Skool.  
He arrived in front of the steps a few minutes later and continued upward, entering the building. He followed the Earth children into the lunchroom and found an empty table to sit at.

Zim received disgusted looks from his peers. One girl made a quiet 'ew' sound when she spotted him, her lower eyelid twitching. She was seated not far from where Zim's table was. She got up and walked to a further distance, then sat down and whispered something into her friend's ear.

Dib was sitting at a different table across the room. He gasped and stared in a mixture of disbelief and horror when he saw Zim walk in. "ZIM!"

Zim looked in Dib's direction. Now that people were staring, he felt the need to think of an explanation.  
"Maybe you're wondering what these THINGS are on my face," he said as he pointed to his head. "Not to worry," he continued with small laugh and smile. He was trying to make light of the situation. He looked up at the children, who were watching him over their shoulders. "It's normal human acne!" Zim told them.

"Why did you draw on them!" a boy asked, shouting the question dully.

"AH, that. Yes, well," Zim said, his smile fading as he tried to think of a lie on the spot.

"He's trying to bring back Pustulio, that HORRIBLE hypnotic pimple he used to control the minds of everyone at school years ago!" Dib shouted urgently, jumping to his feet.

"LIES!" Zim screeched. He paused, then thought of something.  
"You don't KNOW!" he asked the Earthlings in faked astonishment. He stood up from his seat. "Everyone knows that the dye in sharpies is a better treatment for pimples than Acne-Blast! It's made with... uhh... ELECTROLYTES!"

The children looked at each other for a few seconds before several smiled and nodded in understanding.

"No it isn't! He's lying!" Dib yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Zim.

Zim grinned and sat down again, pleased with his cover-up. "Sorry Dib-monkey. I guess you'll never benefit from my brilliant smiling acne preventive."


	4. Leeches & Rum

The Resisty was nearing Earth. Shloonktapooxis, Spleenk, Cloaky, and other members of the crew were on the control deck. The crate that contained Zim's old energy experiment was moved. They were prepared to drop it onto Zim's house as planned.

Tak had rid herself of Nin's foul smelling vomit hours ago. She was in a room with Tex and Lard Nar. The two Vortians had been talking.

There was a board hanging on the wall in the room where Lard Nar was writing. On a desk not far from it was a computer where Tex was sitting. Above the computer was a projector, specifically for holograms. Across from the computer was another desk covered in books, papers, and chewed pens that had probably seen better times.

Tak sat in a chair against the wall next to Tex, listening in on the conversation.

"I don't care about your abstract theories. You take forever to say nothing. You could be doing something useful, like finding out why the hell Nin vomits out a third of her body weight every three hours," Tex said bitterly. He was concentrating on the computer screen, working on a 3-dimensional map of the inside of the ship. He stopped to open something else on the screen, then sat back in his seat while waiting for it to load.

"Learning about interdimensional travel isn't pointless. If the M theory is true, then we could properly understand black holes. Worm holes exist in black holes, but everyone's iffy about using them. If this is true, you have two new ways of traveling at your disposal. The unfiltered perception device... It has been agreed that it shouldn't be for casual use. Applied correctly, it's thought that you could go back in time with it and screw up everything. Considering the whole 'perceiving every place in time and every part of space' makes it present in both aspects... " Lard Nar began slowly. He paused, thinking. "Unless there's a dead zone with the device."

Tex activated a hologram and projected it in the center of the room between the three of them. It looked exactly like Lard Nar with a few scrambled particles darting from one spot to another.  
He looked up from what he was doing. "That will never work, and why would you even want to go to another time or dimension? It's too risky and I don't need to hear about it. Hey, check this out... "

The hologram began speaking in Lard Nar's recorded voice. "I don't do anything because I'm too busy thinking about doing something! SHLOONKTAPOOXIS, IF YOU COME NEAR ME WITH LEECHES AGAIN, I'M GOING TO SHOOT OFF YOUR FACE!"  
The hologram was jumpy, skipping several frames. The sequences weren't merged properly, though, this made it more humorous. It suddenly bent over forward and vomited with a sick noise. A few seconds later, it threw up in reverse with the same noise played backwards.

"Lovely. You've been recording me at random intervals?" Lard Nar growled flatly, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"Of course. I didn't draw you from scratch," Tex replied with half-lidded eyes. He was aware that Lard Nar wasn't asking a question, but he wanted an excuse to talk about his wonderful creation.  
"I had to put a camera in the bathroom to get the vomiting sequence. The problem is that your stomach contents would disappear into the disposal can," Tex explained. He pointed to the hologram. "I had to clone little bits of the vomit that WERE visible in order for it to show up. Sort of like multiplying clouds to make a picture of a cloudy sky."

Tak rose a brow at Tex. She could sense some tension between these two. It wasn't something she would normally sit down and watch, but she didn't have anything else to do while waiting to arrive on Earth. Observation was a necessary use of her time at the moment.

Lard Nar scowled at the hologram. He turned back to the board and frowned. "I see. Awfully clever," he said in an apathetic tone. He didn't want to continue the conversation with Tex and rather ignore the hologram from here.

Shloonktapooxis floated towards the doorway with a wide grin on his face, noting that Lard Nar wasn't paying attention as he floated in.

Lard Nar's antennae twitched when he sensed Shloonktapooxis behind him. The Vortian turned his head to ask the cone what it was that he wanted, but before he could respond the cone opened his mouth.

Shloonktapooxis gave a mighty cough. Four large leeches flew out of his mouth and latched onto Lard Nar's face, quivering sickly as their teeth dug into his skin. Simultaneously, the cone sped out of the room, laughing maniacally.

Shocked, Lard Nar's eyes widened. All four quivering Vortian leeches were stuck to his head, twitching at random--a few were starting to swell and pulsed disgustingly. Shaking, the Vortian grabbed one of them and tore it off. It bit his finger deeply and refused to let go as he shook his hand violently. "DEAR GOD!" the scientist screamed, horrified. He was coming out from the state of initial shock, and certainly didn't appreciate having a leech stubbornly flopping around on his finger.

Tex gritted his teeth. "HOW THE HELL DID HE FIT FOUR OF THEM IN HIS MOUTH AT ONCE!" he yelled loudly, disgusted. He stood from his seat and backed into the wall.

Tak jumped to her feet as well. "LEECHES!" she screamed, somewhat shocked by the spontaneousness of the event. From what had just happened and what the hologram said, she was given the impression that this was not the captain's first painful leech encounter...

Lard Nar ran to his desk and violently wrenched open a drawer, taking out a half-empty bottle of rum. "WHY MUST THIS BE THE ONLY LIQUID THAT MAKES THEM LET GO OF ME/WHY?" he snarled. He dumped the contents over his head and slammed the empty bottle down onto the desk with an annoyed hiss, twisted about having poured the rest of it all over him.  
Ruddy worms...

The leeches dropped from Lard Nar's head and thrashed on the floor, bloody and squealing weakly.

Quickly, Lard Nar grabbed a box of matches from the desk and lit one, throwing it to the floor and jumping backwards out of the way, one eye narrowed. The rum burst into flames instantly and burned the leeches, who were now releasing a wailing, screechy chorus of the damned.

Lard Nar darted out of the room and came back moments later, wielding a small red fire extinguisher. Icy liquid sprayed from the nozzle and doused the flames, cleaning the floor at the same time.

Everything happened quickly. The room was overcome by silence when the fire was put out. All three of them stared at what remained of the burnt and foamy carcasses.

Tak and Tex lifted their heads and looked at Lard Nar. He slowly lowered the fire extinguisher with a disgusted expression.

Spleenk, Nin, and Shloonktapooxis were standing in the doorway, having heard the yelling and interested as to what Shloonktapooxis' laughing was about. While Spleenk and Nin were concerned, Shloonktapooxis was making a well-given effort to avoid laughing. He had a goofy grin on his face and his lips were quivering.

Tex was the first to speak after an awkward silence that involved a heavily scowling Lard Nar glowering at the floor and wiping blood off his forehead. "There goes the last of your rum, eh?"

Tak tilted her head slightly. She wasn't as phased by this. Nonetheless, it was odd and unexpected. "I don't understand," she said, looking curiously at the scientist.

Lard Nar shuddered as he set the fire extinguisher down on the desk, tearing his eyes from the floor. "My rum... " he whimpered. "FIRST MY CHAIR, AND NOW THE RUM! THOSE. HORRIBLE. LEECHES. SHLOOOONK!"


	5. A Third Person Introduction

After the leech incident earlier, Tex and Lard Nar separated into different rooms to work on different projects in silence.  
Tak took this opportunity to wander the ship.  
Shloonktapooxis was following her, giving commentary like a tour guide. He took pleasure in introducing new people to the Resisty. Tak hadn't asked for his help, but she didn't mind.  
As they made their way down a hallway, Tak stayed quiet while Shloonktapooxis talked.

"I keep them in my room!" the cone alien said cheerily. "In jars, in my closet! I have a whole assortment of them, and I organize them by species and such. But I have a little problem, because some of the leeches are from Vort and drink Vortian blood ONLY, so I can't feed them steak or something else that's bloody or whatever. And I only have three left, and they're the pretty ones," he explained, sounding whiny when he talked about the Vortian leeches.  
Those were the ones he spat at Lard Nar...  
"They're white with black underbellies and they have these cute little pink eyes. One cannibalized another one and they're almost dead from hunger and I NEED to feed them, but Piranha Boy and Texxie Fresh and the plant dentist guy and everyone else is avoiding me and I've been kind of delaying it because I've been nice lately and yeah."

Tak rose an eyebrow. "Leeches... That's a weird thing to be obsessed with. Er... Piranha Boy and Texxie Fresh?" she asked, wondering how Lard Nar and Tex were given the nicknames.  
Tak realized she was getting a bit sidetracked with the personal nonsense and had more important questions. "How did they escape from the prisons on Vort, anyway?"  
She paused, quickly thinking of an alibi to explain how she would know about Vort. "I heard them talking and one of them mentioned that Vortians were enslaved by Irkens... "

Shloonktapooxis's tongue poked out of the side of his mouth. "Yeah, it is!" he exclaimed. "Haha, I call him Piranha Boy because well, you've seen it! He's got this HUGE overbite! And really sharp teeth! Sometimes he'll accidentally lacerate his own face with them. People joke that he could be used like a saw! And Texxie Fresh is what we call Tex because he HATES cleaning, but he cleans anyway because he can't stand messiness. He says he had a bad experience because he had to clean a prison on Vort after the equinox."

Tak blinked. As interesting as that was, he didn't answer her other question. "Yes, I see. And how did they escape?"

"OH HEY! That's Lardy's room!" Shloonktapooxis yelled.

Tak stopped and had her hand on a door. Curious about what might be in the captain's room, she pushed on the the door, but she could only get it half open. Something inside was blocking the door from opening any further. She went inside.

Lard Nar's room was hopefully vacant of any living entities, but it was hard to tell through all of the junk that had accumulated. There was a desk and chair in the far left corner. A bed was across from it with a closet door between them.

Shloonktapooxis hovered in the doorway. "Shhh... We don't want to disturb him in his natural habitat... " he said in a loud whisper.

"I don't think he's in here," Tak responded as she waded towards the desk.

There was a computer on the desk with dozens of post-it notes stuck to it. Papers were everywhere; on the desk, the bed, the floor. Many were crumpled and others partially folded. There were dozens of chewed pens and pencils, several rulers and erasers, a sharpener, a stack of clipboards, an electronic notepad, a few batteries, two discs with no cases, and a protractor with what looked like dried blood or red paint on it. All of this provided very little visible space on the desk. Judging by the folders poking out of the drawers, Tak guessed that they were jam packed with what didn't fit on the desktop.

"There's Rin's protractor!" Shloonktapooxis yelled. "Rin is a Vortian who is a surgeon and is REALLY violent if you say anything about how fat her butt is, but it is big! She'd hit people with her protractor. I heard she could break a watermelon with it! Lardy stole it from her one day and put chemicals on it to make it explode when she hit people with it."

Tak glanced at the protractor.  
So that is blood...  
Near it was a post-it note. In compact handwriting, the note said 'IODINE CRYSTALS, LYCOPODIUM POWDER, NITROGEN TRIOXIDE'

"She got REALLY mad when she found out about it and she made him eat 27 slices of pizza. Lardy hates pizza now!" said Shloonktapooxis.

Tak proceeded to tour the room.  
The bed wasn't made. It looked similar to the desk, actually. There were books and papers on the mattress. The blankets and pillows had slipped onto the floor.  
Aside from the mess around Lard Nar's desk and bed, there were mountains of miscellaneous things on the floor. There were dozens of maps pinned to the walls, overlapping each other. Even they were cluttered.  
Tak noticed what looked like a broken vending machine in the corner where the door was, making it impossible to fully open the door.

Tak had seen enough. With no room to comfortably turn around, she stepped over a pyramid of soda cans and backed out of the room. She closed the door and turned around once she was in the hall again with Shloonktapooxis.  
"Okay... I take it he isn't very organized. Could you show me if there's any cool alien equipment somewhere? I love looking at things like that!" she said, again acting like an enthusiastic Earth girl.

Shloonktapooxis bobbed his body up and down to nod.  
"Now you should see Tex's room!" he shouted rapidly. He whizzed past Tak and went further down the hallway.

Tak scowled, but followed him anyway. He wasn't being very helpful with what she wanted to know, but she was getting some information out of him.  
Be patient, she told herself. All will come in time.

They stopped in front of a door. Tak opened it and stepped inside.  
Unlike Lard Nar's room, Tex's living space was spotless. There was a desk, a bed, a closet, and a couple of chairs like in all of the rooms. The only things that were visible in the room were a computer, a neat stack of jewel cases, two books, and a clipboard with a few sheets of paper and a pen on it.

"Hmm... yes, it's different," Tak said in an uninterested tone of voice as she looked around the room, standing in the center of it.

Shloonktapooxis flew into the room. "YEAH! Watch this!" he said as he neared the closet door. He stopped and turned back to Tak to make sure she was looking, then bumped into the door.

The door immediately swung open, and the contents poured out onto the floor in a massive heap. Inside the closet, Tak couldn't tell what it was she was looking at. It seemed as though whoever put everything away didn't care about organizing things and only wanted to fit as much stuff as they could into a limited amount of space.

Shloonktapooxis and Tak exited the room, leaving the closet door open. It would have taken a lot of time and effort to get it to close again. Tex would probably be annoyed when he found out. Neither Tak or Shloonktapooxis commented on that, but they were both thinking it.

"Yeah, really! I'll show you my leeches!" Shloonktapooxis said quickly.

Tak gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes. "OKAY," she said, obviously becoming impatient with the cone, but she was willing to do one last thing with him.

Shloonktapooxis flew down the hall in the direction of his room. "I love them so! If I had arms, I would let them leech off of me! They're so cute, you know? Some are fuzzy and some have these fangs and some are spiny but the spiny ones are poisonous I think, and it's fun to feed them slabs of meat and watch them suckle on it! And some mew and some are see through so you can see their little organs pumping... And some are really big and the size of your hands and some have eyes and others thrash around and spit water and sometimes blood!"

Exasperated, Tak followed the cone. "What about the other members of the Resisty? Is there anything I should know about them?" she asked.

Shloonktapooxis turned around to answer. He had a wide grin on his face. "Lardy fires a crossbow at nonliving targets when he's bored and averages about 23 hours of sleep a week when you're supposed to get 56 and sort of has some mild OCD, and Nin likes to roll around in her own purple vomit sometimes, and Three-Headed man is on anti-depressants and is mute in two heads, and when Spleenk molts he cries blood sometimes and has a bunch of seizures to knock off the old skin, and Cloaky carves strange languages into part of her wall that's a hit list that Tex and me are on twice, and I have more but I forgot," said the cone quietly, humming to himself and banging off of a wall, apparently just because he liked the noise. He took a huge breath, though it was apparent it was unneeded, seeing as the cone wasn't winded after speaking that much. He let out an arsenal of giggles, spinning through the air.

It was evident that Shloonktapooxis had nothing better to do than observe people and harass them. The cone's eyes narrowed slightly because his grin was obscuring part of them. "And I can't wait to find out about YOU!" He paused, then suddenly moved on to another subject. "Hey! Did you know that sometimes duct tape is used to hold down people having an epileptic fit where there's less gravity than normal! And that it hurts to pee if you drink too much coffee?"

Tak shook her head slowly, eyes wide. She was surprised at how much personal information the cone was giving her, and how long he could go on a run-on sentence without breathing. The way he talked was obnoxious, simply put.  
Tak spent the next half hour looking at Shloonktapooxis's leech collection and listening to him talk about The Resisty.


	6. Visiting Mac Meaties

Meanwhile on Earth, school had ended a half an hour ago. Dib was at Mac Meaties. Today, he sat across from an 8-year-old girl. She had long black hair tied up in pigtails and her parents were nowhere in sight. She had a large piece of fried chicken in front of her on a napkin.

"So now everyone is drawing smiley faces on their acne, but that isn't the dumbest thing that's happened this week, surprisingly," Dib said with one eye narrowed. "Everything but text books were banned from school property a few days ago. Can you believe it?! If you're caught with one, they'll give you a citation and send the books home with the bus driver." He made a fist in his lap. He had just sat down a few seconds ago and didn't bother to introduce himself.

The girl stared at Dib, eyes wide in bewilderment.  
Who is he? Is he from the highschool? Is he a friend? A family member? Why is he talking to me?!  
She didn't respond, not wanting to sound like she forgot who he was. She decided to wait and hope that he will mention his name.

Dib continued, taking no notice of the confused look on the girl's face when she nodded. "It all started the other day," he said slowly, eyes traveling away for a moment as he recalled what happened that day.

The girl blinked, still quiet and perplexed.  
What school is he talking about?

Dib rested his hands on the edge of the table in front of him. "A small school library opened. There was an increased interest in reading. Some of the other kids started making their own book clubs, then they played pretend on the playground at recess with roles of the characters from the books. Others read about science, math, and history. THEY became skeptical of how the school was ran. Some of them made fun of the teachers." 

"I don't get-" the girl began to say, but she was promptly interrupted.

Dib had a wide grin on his face. He was looking straight at her now. "I thought it was great! For once, I had hope for my generation. I could tell that they were getting smarter, more knowledgeable... more aware!" He narrowed both eyes, voice descending after a pause. "... But the teachers didn't like it because the books were getting ruined and they wanted us to do other things during recess instead of 'living in fantasy'." 

"But you look too old to be in-" the girl began again in a small voice. Her second attempt was also cut off.

Now Dib was frowning, eyes half-lidded in disappointment. "I never participated in that. I don't like the same books. They were in to medieval fantasy and warrior animals. You know, make believe stuff." He waved a hand in the air near his head in gesture, then rested his hand on the table. He smiled gently. "I like science fiction." He sighed, then continued. "But now I'm not allowed to read during recess or on the way home on the bus. It's frustrating because that's what I always did before this whole book craze followed by book banning thing happened... "

The girl opened her mouth to say something once more. She decided she should go ahead and admit that she had no idea who he was, he was creepy and annoying, and her chicken was getting cold because she felt uncomfortable eating in front of him.  
Yet again, she didn't get a chance to speak.  
He just keeps going! What is wrong with him?!

"I DID try sneaking books into the bathroom. I hid in a stall. When I left, I flushed so that people wouldn't be suspicious. My sister's teacher was concerned about my diet at home though because I spent so much time in there. Some people found out and started copying me!" Dib shouted with an annoyed hint in his voice. "We had to get vacines... Anywho, someone had left their book behind, so the teachers put a time limit on how long you can be in the bathroom. Now you can only go five times a week, unless you get in trouble... in which case your bathroom tokens are reduced... " Dib slouched his shoulders and scowled when he was done.

The girl waited, wondering if he was finished. She was afraid to try asking again. 

In seconds, Dib had stood from his seat. He looked happy. "Well, thanks for listening. I gotta go. Cya!" He smiled and waved, then walked away towards the exit.

The girl watched Dib leave. She stood on the seat to look over the booth at him.  
"That was weird... " she said quietly to herself. 

"He's been coming here twice a week for the past FIVE years!" said an older blue-haired lady who sat in a booth behind the girl. She had been listening.

The girl blinked and leaned over the back of her seat to look at the lady. "Huh? You mean that tall guy with the cape and big hair?"

The lady nodded. "Yep... He's been harassing random customers. The manager keeps telling him to leave, but he keeps coming back. It's always something strange. He's been crazy for YEARS. He's Professor Membrane's son, you know. Got held back and still goes to elementary school. What a shame... That poor insane child. I hope he didn't scare you, hun."

Dib was already on his way home. He reached into his pocket and took out a digital watch, read the time, then stuck it back into his pocket. "5 o'clock. Just enough time to finish reading through those news posts on the SEN website before Mysterious Mysteries starts!" he said to himself with a small smile on his face.

Dib stopped abruptly when he saw something moving in the sky. It caught him by surprise and he gasped, looking up with his mouth gaping and eyes bulging considerably. Whatever it was, it was flying over some buildings a few blocks away.  
It looked enormous!  
He couldn't tell what color it was or see any detail, but his immediate thoughts all pointed to 'alien spacecraft'. He bolted in the direction that it was going, instantly putting all of his other plans on hold.

Fortunately for Dib, the Vortian ship was circling aimlessly overhead due to a small setback. Although they had plans, nothing was said about what order they were to be carried out. After checking in with the captain, other members of the crew and their guest, they had a better understanding of where to go now that they had arrived on Earth. By the time they decided to drop Tak off first, Dib had caught up with the ship. As it landed in a forested area on the edge of town, Dib pushed his way through the foliage to keep up.


	7. Revealed

Through the automatic sliding metal doors of the Vortian ship, Tak stepped out and set foot onto Earth's soggy, bug-filled soil.

What was she going to do once she got here? Not about the weenie stand, though, or even Zim.  
Was she going back to Irk, was the question. Operation Impending Doom 3 was already initiated. She would not be an invader this time around due to her six-year absence.

Tak thought about this as she stood with her back to the ship she had exited out of. She had stopped and was looking downward, mind wondering. Unless she wanted to go back to planet Dirt, she had to decide on something.

In Tak's predicament, a human might have considered forgetting one's heritage and living apart from society. A Vortian might consider the same, as with most other races in the universe. The free mind provided more options. After failing to be acknowledged, presumed unworthy of rescue, and missing Operation Impending Doom 3, who could blame her? After all, she now found herself on Earth, one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy. But Tak's mind was not free.  
No Irken mind was, and they would never consider such a thing.  
She was a servant to her civilization as much as Zim or any other Irken. There was no hint of rebellion in her.  
A forever loyal Irken was merely one of billions, bound by their PAK to the empire. They were incapable of emotions that could contradict their programmed obligation to obey their Tallest. No compassion, no depression, no mercy. An Irken mind was an interesting thing, very restricted in many ways.  
This was why the race was so successful, but success came at the cost of free will.

It did occur to Tak that--hypothetically speaking--she could become disloyal. But this idea was discarded immediately. Aside from going against her morality, they could deactivate her at any given time from any place. How would she survive on her own? She needed equipment and food supplements that only Irkens could provide. 

She had to do something drastic to prove her worth to the Tallest. That was the only option. No taking Zim's mission this time. Warning them about the Resisty was a start, but hardly enough... No, this had to be great.

"Uhh... bye!" said Spleenk for the second time from inside the ship, slowly waving his hand and looking at Tak. The door was still open. The Resisty were waiting for Tak to move so that it would close again and they could leave, but she had stopped for some reason.

Tak jolted back into reality and looked over her shoulder at Spleenk with a sheepish grin. "B-" she began, but quickly whipped her head around when she heard something rusting in the bushes beside her.

Dib yelled.  
"TAK!"  
She instantly recognized his voice.  
He climbed out of the bushes, covered in sappy leaves and twigs. He stopped in front of her. His mouth hung open in astonishment. He looked from Tak to The Resisty members behind her, then back again. "I thought Zim killed you! WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"No, he didn't," Tak snarled back at Dib. She paused, feeling a lump in her throat. Her eyes darted back and fourth from him to The Resisty. He's enormous... How can anyone grow that much in six years?! He's at least as tall as the Tallest now!  
Oh no! If he figures out why I'm in my disguise, so will they.  
Tak smiled at Dib, prepared to put on another act in hopes of fooling The Resisty until they left.

"Who's he?!" asked Shloonktapooxis. The cone flew out of the ship and made a half circle in the air around Dib's head.

Dib followed the cone alien with his eyes, but he was more interested in knowing why Tak was smiling at him.

"He's... " Tak began, trying to think of a something that would satisfy both Dib and The Resisty. She had to get the human away from them somehow. or run and hope to make it safely to a hiding place.

Darn it! What are the odds that he'd be here, anyway?

"The person who I teamed up with when I was dealing with Zim," Tak said quickly. She started walking away, motioning for Dib to follow. "Let's get out of their way so they can leave... and I'll tell you everything," she said slowly to Dib. "Okay?" she added through her teeth, nervous about being revealed in front of The Resisty. They had enough people and weapons to obliterate her in seconds, and there was no doubt that they would if they knew she was an Irken. And Dib will probably blurt out everything...

"Nice try!" Dib said angrily to Tak. He swatted at Shloonktapooxis to get the alien away from his face. "Who are they? Your backup squad? Allies? Hostages, maybe? And you're here to get your revenge on Zim, steal your cruiser back, and fill the Earth with snacks as an offering for the Tallest so that you can become an invader like you tried to the last time you were here!"

Tak's eye twitched.  
There. He did it. He told them everything, all in one nice, long run-on sentenbce.

"I KNEW IT!" yelled Lard Nar, eyes wide in astonishment despite what was claiming. It was true though. He was suspicious of Tak from the start. He made his way forward out of the ship, a finger outstretched accusingly in Tak's direction. "You're Irken!" The Vortian sprung forward and stumbled over one of his feet, due to an irritable reason that seemed to be a problem on a lot of planets.  
The gravitational pull on Earth was stronger than what Vortians were used to. On their planet, the pull was less, and therefore their legs didn't have to be as sturdy as a human's, or as thick. This made it difficult for Lard Nar to balance on his awkward stilt-like legs.  
Tex faced similar difficulties and was currently leaning against the wall near the ship's door.

There was a gasp amongst several crew members.

Tak tensed and bit her lip. She walked backwards a few paces, getting ready to turn around and run. "CURSE YOU, DIB!" she shouted with a raised fist. 

"Need I point out that helping her was SPEENK'S idea?" growled Tex with a deep scowl as he looked irritably at the tall, brown alien. He didn't bring attention to the fact that he was just as guilty for assuming Tak was an innocent, lost human girl. 

Spleenk lowered his head in shame, lips quivering pitifully.  
This always happened... He thought his ideas were good, up until something horrible happened. They often seemed to, and oftentimes the alien would think of them spontaneously, without giving the circumstances or consequences much though. As a leader, Lard Nar had to consider every idea and suggestion that came from his crew. It was his choice whether to improve upon the idea or reject it.

Lard Nar had picked himself up off of the ground. He didn't have time to concern himself with Spleenk right now. There was no point, anyway. What's done is done. Spleenk didn't mean to give bad advice. It would be unfair to yell at him. "After her! Don't let her get away!" he commanded angrily, with sudden authority. 

Tak sprinted away from them. Dib was the closest and quick to respond by running after her. He wasn't sure what was going on with the other aliens, but it looked like Tak had tricked them somehow.   
Good thing they weren't on her side.

Shloonktapooxis flew over Lard Nar's head, giving the captain a chance to grab onto his tail.  
Lard Nar's eyes were wide in slight fear, shocked by the speed the cone took off in. It all happened quickly. He didn't have time to think between grabbing Shloonktapoxis's tail and the moment of impact. They were faster than Dib and caught up with the disguised Irken in a matter of seconds.

Tak shrieked when she was taken down with a quick blow to the head via flying (and rather hard) robotic cone and panicking Vortian.

Lard Nar lost his grip on Shloonktapooxis and was dropped face-down onto the ground several feet away.

Dib gasped and fell forward onto Tak just as she was about to stand. He took advantage of his current position and grabbed her arms to hold her down. She squirmed and clawed at his wrists.  
"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME!" Tak screamed, struggling to get away.

Lard Nar flung himself onto Tak's legs. With Dib's assistance, she was successfully restrained.


	8. Proposition Of A Pact

Tak was brought into the ship. Dib and the Three-headed Man carried her down a hallway. Other members of The Resisty followed them and closed the door, just in case Tak wiggled free, though it seemed unlikely that she would. Dib had her arms held tightly in one hand and her antennae in the other. She couldn't use her hands or her teeth. The Three-headed Man had her legs in one hand and another hand over her PAK. She couldn't kick or make use of her mechanical legs, either. As a last method of defense, she resorted to assaulting their eardrums with loud, high-pitch screaming.

Dib had no idea where they were supposed to be taking Tak. He took the directions Lard Nar was shouting over Tak's threats and curses and hoped they would be there soon.

"Make a left here! Go through that door!" the captain ordered. He pointed to where they needed to go, then ran around them to get ahead. The door slid open automatically when he was close enough. He passed through it without hesitation and made a sharp turn into the left side of the room. 

When Dib and the Three-headed Man walked in with Tak, Lard Nar motioned to drop her in the far left corner. He was standing in front of a screen that was in the wall, having set the perimeter for a force field.

The two released Tak with a hardy shove. The instant her feet touched the floor, a somewhat transparent cyan light surrounded her where the force field was placed.

Tak stood up quickly, but there was nowhere to run. She balled her fists, then unclenched her hands and made clawing motions near her face. Everything was going so well, and now /this/.  
"ARGH! YOU MORONS! I'M AS GOOD AS BANISHED!" she roared in frustration, letting her hands drop stiffly to her sides. "I don't want your filthy planet, DIB! I just wanted to come here, ruin Zim's 'mission' and take back MY SHIP!"

"Oh, really?" Dib asked skeptically, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.  
Crew members slowly gathered in the room, all looking straight at Tak. Spleenk looked devastated, knowing it was his idea to 'rescue the little girl'. At least she was caught, though. Nothing bad had happened yet. 

Slowly, Tak's gaze traveled to one of the crew members. Her eyes narrowed. "You should let me out of here," she said in a stilled tone of voice. A flash of light streaked across her eyes. It went unnoticed by everyone, except Dib. The human jumped in front of her and shouted. "AH! DON'T LET HER NEAR ANYONE /STUPID/!" 

Lard Nar raised a brow at Dib. He didn't know much about humans, but he did hear that they were rather ignorant and dull. For this reason, he made an assumption that was a little off.  
"Dib, is it? I think you might be overestimating her reasoning skills," Lard Nar said pleasantly.

Dib scowled, feeling that Lard Nar's comment was rather stupid. "No. She has hypnotic powers over unintelligent people."

Lard Nar made a small ÔHmm...Õ and was able to believe Dib on this, but otherwise didn't respond. He was looking at Tak again, who was about to speak.

Tak paused briefly, then said in a softer voice with a frown. "I'm on your side," she lied quite convincingly.

Tex was standing amongst the crew members and snorted, also skeptical. "HAH! Don't believe her. Never believe them when they say that," he said with a fierce scowl. He and other Vortians were victims of the Irken Empire after their alliance was broken. He was not about to trust one, and for good reason. They were liars, only interested in universal domination by any means possible.

Tak narrowed her eyes at Tex, but didn't contradict him. Instead, she explained more. "Agh. I missed Operation Impending Doom 2, thanks to Zim. I came to Earth a few years ago to take his mission and prove myself to the Tallest." She pointed at Dib. "But those two ruined my plan and I got trapped in space. I wanted to come back here where I had a base or could at least utilize Zim's equipment, but Impending Doom 3 has already been initiated and I won't be a part of it. That's probably my last chance to be an invader... " She paused, then thought of something to add. "I called for help when I was in my escape pod, but they wouldn't send any. I was left to /die/. I'm done with Zim and this impractical goal of mine. The Tallest never recognized me and they never will." Her words became bitter and she raised a fist.  
"I would have asked to join the Resistance, but I knew you wouldn't accept an Irken crew member."

No one particularly convinced. Tak was a good liar, but it would take a lot to sway them. What it was that she wanted was unclear, anyway.

"I don't suppose you have any way to prove this," Lard Nar said with half-lidded eyes. He wasn't about to let an Irken join the crew, if that's what she wanted. He was pretty certain that nothing she could say would make him change his view, especially because of her timing in which she chose to say it. It was likely that if Tak was telling the truth, that she wouldn't plan to tell them at first. But the fact that she was telling them after being caught was suspicious. 

Tak wasn't prepared for any of this. There was a moment of silence as they waited for her response. She couldn't see all of the crew members because Dib was still standing in the way.  
What would be a reason for them to believe that I want to be allied with the Resistance? I have no proof that I'm being truthful, not that I am, anyway. What would I be useful for? It only has to be temporary, enough to give me one more chance at getting away. Maybe they would have to believe me if... if...  
Tak smiled. "I don't have any 'proof', but I have valuable information. If you allow me to help you, I'll share it. If you don't trust me, I'll self-destruct and destroy all of it."

"Why would you self-destruct if you want to help them?" Dib asked Tak, then turned to the crew. "Who are you guys, anyway?"

"The Resisty, a resisting force against Irkens," Tex informed.

Dib's face brightened. "Really?! There's resisting forces?! I've been fighting an irken for YEARS and waiting for this day!" Dib said with loud enthusiasm.

Tak quickly grew impatient with their side-talking. "Well?" she demanded.

Lard Nar was thinking it over while Dib was talking. He was prompted to say something when Tak expressed her impatience. He was surprised to find himself considering this. He didn't doubt that Tak would self-destruct--it was just the kind of spiteful thing an Irken would do whether they wanted to help someone or not.  
"I suppose, if great precaution is taken."

There was a feeling of uncertainty amongst most people in the room other than Tak. Lard Nar looked around, wondering if anyone else had opinions on the matter. Objections or ideas, perhaps.

"What kind of precautions?" Tak asked, forcing Lard Nar to look at her again. 

"I don't think we're fully decided yet. Either way, probably step-by-step precautions. You'll be in here for a while as we work this out. I will tell you when a decision is confirmed," he said in a business-like manner. "Will that be all for now?" 

Tak gave a small nod of reassurance. "Yes, Captain." 

Lard Nar stepped out of the room and was followed by a few of the crew members and Dib. There were a couple of people who stayed behind.

Dib ran to catch up with Lard Nar. He fell in-step with the captain with a still eager grin on his face. "So you're the leader? Who's the founder? To think I've been looking everywhere to find some form of opposition against Irkens, and you come to me! Now, just think about the possibilities--er, what's your name again?" 

Lard Nar looked sideways at Dib and nodded, then turned his head to look up at the human.  
Dib certainly was tall, he noticed. Almost twice his height, actually. It was a little intimidating, but nothing he wasn't used to.  
When going from planet to planet, the main irritation was usually height difference. You were either subjected to the fear of crushing the natives and constantly whacking your head on doorframes, or scrambling to keep up with long-legged figures and not being able to reach anything.  
Lard Nar personally preferred having several routine bumps on the head as oppose to hopping up and down like a little rabbit to erase an equation on a board or open a door.  
At one point, there was someone who blatantly, but with good intentions, offered to pick him up so he could be eye level with the people he was talking to while explaining something. He flatly refused but thanked them anyway.  
"Yes. I'm the founder, too. My name is Lard Nar," he replied.

Once he was given Lard Nar's name, Dib continued. "Just think of the possibilities now! You have an Irken willing to give you any information you want! Maybe she would know about the Massive's weaknesses! And now you can tell humans about Zim and the Irkens and make allies to form an even larger resistance! Things are finally starting to look promising."

"The Massive? I helped design that," Lard Nar with a mixture of pride and resent. "I'm not positive that she's being honest. You have to be careful around Irkens, Dib." He frowned at what Dib said next and seemed rather unsure about something. At this moment, he turned left and walked into the room where Shloonktapooxis last assaulted him with leeches. His equation was still on the board, untouched, but he really just wanted a quiet place to sit and think. Dib was the only one who followed him, and he felt obligated to tell the human about something that was just brought up.  
"Humans seem relatively intelligent. I don't mean to offend you, but I've heard otherwise. I take it I'm mistaken about that," Lard Nar said slowly, carefully choosing his words. He was expecting Dib to be more oblivious and ignorant, but so far he wasn't sure what to think of the human.

Dib replied quickly with an uneasy frown and a twitch of his lips. "Not really. It's just me," he said with a hint of annoyance towards humanity. At the same time, he was embarrassed. He didn't meet many intelligent people whom he wanted to relate to or be friendly towards, so it felt like a blow to his pride to admit the horrible faults prone to his species. He didn't want to be associated with them, not that he wanted to abandon them.

Lard Nar blinked in uncertainty of what Dib was saying. He found it odd that, by chance, this person just happened to be significantly different from the rest of the humans. "Ah. Why is that? And how many of you are there?" he asked, making the assumption that Dib was one of several intellectually superior humans.

"I'm not sure why, yet. I'm suspicious that I was genetically engineered by my dad to be more intelligent, but I'm still waiting for the chance to ask him about that. He's usually pretty busy. Also, unlike most people, I enjoy learning," Dib said, still sounding peeved towards humanity but proud of himself. He looked a bit annoyed by the other question. "I'm the only one of me," he said impatiently, eyes half lidded again. "Why? Are humans pretty well-known by alien races?"

Lard Nar nodded to confirm that he understood. He sat down at his desk. That was all the information he needed. He was quick to answer the question. "No, not particularly. When I contacted two Plookesian travelers about forming an alliance, they had a human traveler with them. I can't remember his--"

"MR. DWICKY!" Dib interrupted with a holler, followed by a small smile.

"Yes! That's him. You know him?" Lard Nar asked, putting a finger up to his chin briefly when he was recalling the man's name.

"He was my school councilor!" Dib said. He was astounded at hearing about Mr. Dwicky and had several questions pop into his head at once. "We became partners for a brief time! We sent Zim a fake transmission and made up some alien race to pose as. We tricked Zim into meeting in the woods. I brought my video camera," he continued, then frowned. "But it turned out that Mr. Dwicky didn't really take me seriously. Then Zim came, and then so did two Plookesians who got the distress signal. Mr. Dwicky left with them... " He went silent, frowning in partial irritation and disappointment. After all of these years, he was still a little annoyed by that.

Lard Nar frowned, but wasn't sure how to respond. He opened his mouth to reply and paused for an awfully long time. "Ah. That must have been... bad." He paused again and decided it was probably best to go back to what he was talking about instead of attempting to console the boy. Being sympathetic wasn't something he was very good at.  
"Hmm.. Well, I think I know those two travelers," he said with more confidence in his words. "Mooshy and Spoopty. As I was saying, they were the ones who told me about Earth. After I saw Mr. Dwicky, I asked about the planet. I was interested in finding more allies for the resistance, and the secluded location of the planet could be useful. But unfortunately, so I hear, World War 3 was a chemical war that essentially diminished the intelligence of humans worldwide, and led to the extinction of a few of your animals."

Dib looked surprised by this, having never heard about it before. "That can't be right," he said in a skeptical tone. "I mean, the stuff about the war is true, but there haven't been reported cases of a decline in society's intelligence. It's pretty obvious, but I'm the only one who talks about it."

"It was pretty recent. It may take a little while, but I'm sure they'll realize it one of these days," Lard Nar said, again feeling like he should be sympathetic. At this point, he was starting to feel worn out and didn't have anything else he wanted to talk to Dib about. He needed to focus on the issue of Tak.  
"Ah, well. I need to get back on track here. It was nice talking to you, Dib," he said. 

"Hmm... It does explain a lot," Dib said. The more he thought about it, the more probable it seemed.  
"Okay!" he said and started walking to the door, looking pretty happy. He then stopped before reaching the door. "Would you mind if I looked around?"

"Go right ahead, but don't set anything off," Lard Nar said and gave a small wave.

"Thanks!" Dib called back just before exiting the room. He had a bunch of questions he wanted to ask Lard Nar, but right now he was incredibly interested in seeing other things in the ship.


	9. Bagels, Bunnies & Friendship Bread

The reason it took so long to write this chapter is because it is extremely boring and I could think of no interesting way to progress in the story. It's also the longest chapter so far.

-----

Dib halted when he heard a loud shriek coming from behind a door across the hall. He couldn't detect whether the person was male or female, but it sounded as if they were in severe pain.

Dib raced down the hall in the direction that the screaming was coming from, uncertain as to whether or not he was worried about the person's safety, but curious enough to find out. It was soon apparent to him--judging by the sound--that more than one individual were screaming simultaneously. When he crept close enough to the door, it slid open automatically, instantly revealing him to whomever was inside.  
The screaming continued when the door was opened.  
On the floor in the middle of the room was a large, lanky purple rabbit stooped over a torn bag of crackers. The rabbit--or Xanc--was the size of a large dog. Its facial features looked reptilian with its pointed teeth sticking out of its mouth. The only ways in which it resemble a rabbit were the long ears, large back feet, and large front incisors. Its most distinguishing characteristic, however, was the third eyeball at the end of its tail, protected by armor. The creature's eyes opened fully when Dib appeared, fixating on him. Still, it continued eating the crackers by scooping them off of the floor in large incisors and throwing its head back.

When the Xanc snapped its jaws shut around the crackers, Dib heard another ear-piercing scream.  
The human stared down at the cracker-eating rabbit, eyebrow raised. "Are those crackers... screaming?" he inquired, having to time when he asked the question so that the screaming wouldn't drown out the sound of his voice.

The rabbit's ears immediately shifted in Dib's direction, alert. It lifted its head and looked at him sideways. The crackers quieted, now making sobbing and gasping noises.  
"Yes, and they're mine. Back off," it said to him with a hostile snarl. It had a feminine voice.  
"You must be a new crew member... If you're so hungry, go to the kitchen and eat some of that friendship cake that everyone hates."

Dib was unfazed by the Xanc's aggressive behavior and he paused thoughtfully. He then replied. "The kitchen?... Er, do you know where I can find a map of this place?" he asked, finally looking away from the Xanc to get a glimpse around the room. There was a bed with a shelf above it, a small desk, a chair, and a closet in the room. On the floor in the corner was another large rabbit, but this one was hairless and had long, lopped ears. Its skin was loose, wrinkled, and bruised. The only sign of life was a slowly twitching nose. It probably couldn't walk, since its legs appeared to be deformed.

"I'm not in charge of maps. Ask Tex, the person wearing white and black sunglasses," the Xanc responded promptly, then resumed munching on the screaming crackers.

"Where can I find him?" Dib asked the rabbit, looking away from the other, hairless rabbit in the corner. He remembered seeing that person she was talking about, but didn't have any idea where he could have gone by now.

"Room K6, probably," Phelixas answered distractedly.

"How am I supposed to know where that is without a map?" asked Dib grumpily.

"Get a map, then, genius," the rabbit retorted with her face in the bag.

Dib turned away and signed exasperatedly. "Mutant bunnies and screaming crackers... Why do I always find this kind of stuff!" he asked himself aloud just as a cracker screamed over the sound of his voice.

"Get out or shut up," Phelixas snapped, looking up at him again.

Dib wasn't sure why it mattered that he was talking, since he could hardly hear himself over the shrill screams of the snack she was eating. "Okay... Thanks, I guess," he said dully as he backed out of the room. The automatic door slid shut when he stepped far enough away from it.

From there, Dib continued wandering the ship for about half an hour. He looked inside several rooms that weren't locked, but most of them belonged to the crew members and didn't contain anything that was very interesting.

When Dib found the kitchen, he remembered what the bunny had said about some kind of cake. He went inside to look around, curious about alien appliances and the kind of foods he would find in the kitchen. As he walked in, a white-clothed Vortian walked came up from behind him and hurried past. It was Tex.

The kitchen looked much like the rest of the rooms in the ship, except there was a gray-blue table with chairs around it in the center of the room and a counter with glass cupboards above it along one wall. Dib could identify what must have been the equivalent of an oven, stove, refrigerator, and sink. There were a few smaller appliances on the counter, but he had no idea what they were for.

There were two other Vortians in the room, aside from Tex. One was a five foot-tall female with purple tinted skin, white eyes, and stubby white antennae that were curved backwards. She was wearing a sweater that looked as though it was hand knitted and about to fall apart. It was an ugly dark shade of yellow, almost green. In addition, her pants were a greenish brown to match the hideousness of her shirt. There was a brown book bag hanging from a strap around her shoulder. Her name was Connie.  
The female Vortian had an appliance in front of her that he assumed must be a mixer. It consisted of a transparent bowl with a dome-like cover and switches on the sides. It made a very faint hum as something was being mixed inside of it.

The other Vortian was a slightly shorter male with pink-tinted skin, purple eyes, and longer white antennae that were also curved backwards. He had on a small pair of glasses that were held onto his face with a strap that went around the back of his head. He wore a white shirt, brown coat, and dark gray pants. On his wrist was a silver watch. His name was Davis.  
Davis was also standing in front of the counter, opening a container of jelly. Next to the jelly on the counter was a bagel on a plate.

Dib stopped and watched as Tex walked up to the counter between Davis and Connie. The other two Vortians stepped sideways away from Tex to give themselves a few extra inches of space.

Tex reached a hand up to the glass cupboard. Inside was a transparent bag that used to contain bagels. He withdrew his hand and narrowed one eye in realization that the bag was empty.  
What the?... I swear, there was one left. What happened to it? Did I eat it? I don't remember eating it.  
After a moment's pause, Tex looked over his left shoulder at Davis, who was spreading jelly on none other than a bagel.  
Davis had a pleased look on his face and wasn't sure why Tex was staring at him. He ignored it and continued with what he was doing.

"What are you doing?" Tex questioned as Davis spread jelly on one half of the bagel.  
He knew exactly what Davis was doing, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it.

Dib approached the three Vortians, wanting to ask Tex about where he could obtain a map.  
Connie turned and looked up at Dib with a pleasant smile. "Hello! I saw you earlier when you exposed the Irken girl. You're the human... Dib, right? My name is Connie," she said kindly before he had a chance to speak to Tex.

"I'm preparing a bagel," Davis replied honestly to Tex as Connie was talking to Dib. He briefly glanced up at the shorter, gray-skinned Vortian. Davis wasn't sure if he was doing something wrong, if he misunderstood the question, or if Tex really didn't know what spreading jelly on a bagel looked like.

Tex nodded and narrowed his eyes at Davis. Yes, that was obviously what he was doing. "A bagel with jelly?" he blurted out. He was hesitant to be straight-forward, but angry enough that he couldn't resist replying.  
According to plan, he was supposed to be eating a bagel right now, and he didn't like changing his plans. Ever.

Dib heard the other two Vortians behind him, but since they were busy, he kept his eyes on Connie. He was less interested in greetings and more interested in getting answers to his many questions.  
"Hi! Yeah, I'm Dib. That reminds me of something I wanted to ask. You're a Vortian, right? You're from the couch planet?"

"Yes," said Davis casually in response to Tex, still unsure as to why Tex was bothering him about it.  
"I see!" Tex responded casually to mock Davis.  
Sensing tension and not wanting to get into a dispute, Davis simply nodded and turned his attention again to the bagel.

Connie looked put off by Dib's question, not because of the questions itself, but at the mention of couches. Some people, who forgot the word 'Vortian', sometimes referred to them as 'the couch people' or 'couch makers' who resided on the 'couch planet'.  
Out of all of the extraordinary scientific advances, all of the technology and engineering, all of the hard work put fourth by Vortian educators and doctors... Out of all of that, they were best known for the creation of a particularly good quality couch.  
'Vort: home of the universe's most comfortable couch.' was what Irkens and a few other races said about their home planet, even though it was Vortians who designed the Massive and so much more.  
Because of this, being associated with couches was something that genuinely annoyed most Vortians. On occasion, other races associated them with the accursed couch simply to be rude.  
"Umm... Yes," Connie began to answer. Dib obviously didn't know any better, she thought. He seemed like an inquisitive person and might appreciate extra information. "Our people are pretty distinct. All of us have smallish eyes, no visible nostrils, sharp teeth, two antennae, three fingers on each hand, and thin legs." She on the counter leaned with her elbow rested on the surface as she explained, taking notice of the happy look on Dib's face.

"Is this your first bagel?" Tex finally asked Davis, scowling.  
Davis looked up again.  
Well, might as well ask.  
"Do you have a problem with me eating this bagel?"  
"Yes. That is my bagel you plan on eating," Tex responded bitterly as he put a hand on the edge of the counter.

"You see," Connie continued. "We've adapted to a cold climate with uneven terrain and less gravity. Vortians differ depending on what region of Vort they came from, though. I'm from the Eastern region of Situst De' Merta. Tex here is from a nearby place in the same region," she said, pointing at Tex when she mentioned his name.  
Dib glanced at Tex and nodded. "It's similar to people on Earth!"

Not only was Davis now irritated that Tex didn't just say he was mad in the first place, but he wasn't willing to hand over the bagel. There were plenty of other things available in the kitchen. "I don't see your name on it," he said, still maintaining a calm, casual tone of voice.

Tex didn't take notice of Connie or Dib, even when his name was mentioned.  
He wasn't sure what to do. If he couldn't eat a bagel, he would be left hungry and with nothing to do for the 15 minutes he set aside for eating. "I'm the only one who eats the bagels around here. Is that the last one?" he asked, trying to use a nicer tone of voice. Maybe he could talk Davis into giving him the bagel. Even though it didn't have his name physically written on it, it did belong to him.

Connie lowered her hand. "Is it? That makes it easy to understand. Sometimes this is harder to explain to certain races," she said, referring to people such Irkens who didn't have as much diversity amongst their species.

"I suppose it is," Davis said to Tex as he put the jelly and silverware away. Again, he spoke in a casual voice, hoping that Tex would give up and eat something else. He seemed to be overreacting.  
Davis turned and went over to the table where he pulled a chair out and sat down, setting the plate down on the table in front of him.

Tex followed Davis, then walked around to the opposite end of the table where the pink-skinned Vortian would have to look at him. "I came in here for a bagel and I intend to eat one some point in the next 15 minutes," he said sternly.

Connie pointed at Davis as she proceeded telling Dib more about Vortians. "Davis is also from the Eastern area, but a little further away. Did you meet the captain, Lard Nar? He's from a different region."

"I met him! He's the one who said I could look around," Dib replied, still with as much interest in what Connie was saying, but he stopped and realized that it seemed awfully strange that she would willingly tell him these things.

Davis looked across the table in front of him at Tex.  
Give up, will you? It's not that hard to go eat something else, obsessive compulsive freak.  
"You'll have to wait until the bagels restock, because I'm eating this one," he said in an equally stern voice.  
"It's rightfully mine. If you would have asked a few days ago, I could have held it for you," Tex said to offer Davis his limited flexibility. Davis didn't take well to the comment and looked both skeptical and surprised. "You expect me to tell you DAYS in advance that I would like to consume a bagel?"  
What a ridiculous concept, he thought. Is he serious?

Connie flipped the switch on the mixer. "About the couch thing, though," she continued. "Most Vortians would appreciate if it you don't associate us with the couch. It is... offensive."  
"Why?" Dib asked, narrowing an eye. "Did Irkens throw couches at people to kill them during the sweep or something?" He didn't mean for it to be taken badly and genuinely wanted to know, but it couldn't have been a more offensive question and Connie's eyes widened when he asked it.

"Can't you eat something else?" Tex asked Davis impatiently.  
Davis was becoming also impatient at this point. "No," he said as though he were scolding a misbehaving dog. "Look, I'll replace your bagel later, but right now I'm hungry," he added, putting up a hand in a 'stop' gesture.

There was a pause before Connie answered Dib's question. Oh goodness, she thought. She just now realized that he must be young. She initially assumed he was an adult, judging by his height.  
In actuality, Dib was nearing adulthood. Much like his father, he had a tendency to disregard the feelings of others.  
Connie frowned and went on to explain it to Dib. "Umm... No. It's because we would rather be known for our other achievements. Some of the greatest minds in the known universe are Vortians."

Tex put his hands down on the table and lowered his head. "I'm not leaving this kitchen without that bagel! I'll pay you for it," he offered, becoming anxious as his time was running out. He only had about 10 minutes to eat the bagel now, even if he did manage to get it from Davis. "No," Davis repeated again, now becoming exasperated.  
Tex reached into his pocket and took out some coins. He set them on the table between Davis and himself.

"Oh! Well then where did the couch thing come from?" Dib asked Connie. He realized he might have said something wrong, but ignored that and moved on. He glanced over his shoulder at Tex and Davis.  
Connie shrugged and smiled, trying to see the couch thing from an amusing perspective. "Someone invented a new kind of couch that quickly became popular with foreigners who claimed it was the most comfortable couch they had ever sat on. I've heard that they aren't as comfortable as people claim them to be, but I haven't sat on one myself."

Davis picked up the bagel, knowing that as soon as he took a bite, Tex would have to give up and leave him in peace.  
He should have just bitten into it earlier, actually.  
When Tex continued to take more coins out of his pocket, Davis was increasingly curious about how much the other Vortian was willing to pay for this insignificant bagel. He rose the bagel to his mouth and held it there for a few seconds as he counted the monies on the table.  
Tex bared his teeth and frantically searched his pockets for everything he had. "Don't touch it! Here! I'll give you double," he said loudly and set more coins on the table.

Dib paused to decide if he had any more questions, but that was it. "Okay! Hey, thanks for telling me about Vortians and that couch thing!" he said appreciatively to Connie. He turned away and walked around the table to stand near Tex, preparing to interrupt.  
"You're welcome!" said Connie with a friendly wave before she turned around and went back to tending to the batter inside of the mixer.

Davis froze with his mouth open around the bagel just as Dib was walking by. He wondered if 26 monies was worth it. It WAS a lot of money... about 10 times the cost of a bagel.  
But because Tex had been harassing him for the last five minutes, he didn't feel obligated to give the other Vortian what he wanted. In fact, he felt obligated to refuse any offer Tex made.

Tex took out a small blue device in the shape of a cylinder when he saw that Davis appeared to be taking the offer into consideration. "Yes, yes! My pocket knife! I'll give you my pocket knife and 26 monies for the bagel. Deal?"

Davis took a bite.

Tex growled and pounded his fist on the table. He scooped up his pocket knife and the monies, then turned and stormed out of the kitchen. Davis chewed contently, then swallowed the first bite. "Jackass," he muttered under his breath as Tex left.

Connie realized that she didn't give Dib any batter and let out an excited "Oh!" as she began digging through her bag, hoping to give some to him before he ran off.  
The batter made what was called 'friendship bread'. The bread, actually, was more of a cake. It contained no yeast, but a lot of sugar. It was an interesting food, promoting a cause that appealed to Connie. She received a bag of it from a stranger and grew instantly attached to the concept. Throughout a span of 10 days, ingredients are to be added and mixed into the original 1-cup of batter that one received in a plastic bag. On the 10th day, five cups of the batter were to be separated out and distributed into bags, four of which being given to friends and one kept if one wanted to make another loaf. What was left of the batter was baked. In short, each small bag of batter could be made into six loaves of friendship bread. Like friendship, it grew as it was shared.  
Determined to preserve the recipe and keep the friendship bread circulating, Connie had been tending to friendship bread daily for the past three weeks. She now had 37 loaves to tend to in different stages. She never passed up the opportunity to hand out bags of batter to anyone she could find.  
Other members of the crew had received multiple bags and could not back out of making the accursed bread. It was most of what they had eaten for the past week or so, since it was in such abundant supply. Many of them avoided setting foot in the kitchen out of fear of being asked to eat or make more friendship bread. It was becoming a problem that Connie refused to acknowledge.  
Connie took three plastic bags of batter and one copy of the recipe out of her bag and walked after Dib.

Dib didn't noticed that Connie was behind him and he urgently ran after Tex. "HEY! Wait!"  
Stopping, Tex whipped around. "WHAT is it!" he asked with narrowed eyes.  
Dib halted now that he got Tex's attention. "I'm looking for a map of the ship and the rabbit said that you would know where I can find one," he said, happy to have finally found the person he was looking for and had the opportunity to inquire about getting a map.

Connie stopped behind Dib and waited for a chance to give him the friendship bread. She didn't mind waiting and knew it would only be a minute.

Tex forced himself to lighten up a bit and shook his head. "I wouldn't give a map to anyone but a crew member," he said to Dib, recognizing that he was the human from outside. He guessed that Dib was probably being monitored as a neutral visitor aboard the ship.

After keeping his eye out for this Vortian for so long, Dib wasn't happy with the response he was given. "So then that means everyone else just gets hopelessly lost because you won't give them a map?" the human asked critically.

"Yes," Tex replied automatically, but saw Dib's side of reasoning after a pause. Still, though, did he really expect to receive a map of the ship? It was laughable. "I can't deal with this right now. There's an Irken in the ship and we're in the process of making crucial decisions about what to do about her. You... Just go without a map or bug someone else... I don't know," he said with a lack of anything to offer Dib. He couldn't get his mind off of the bagel and didn't feel like tending to a stranger's needs. It wasn't his job.  
Tex turned away quickly and walked off.

"Thanks a lot! I'll go without one!" Dib yelled bitterly just as Tex disappeared behind a door. "Oh well... " he said quietly. "I don't really need one. I already have a pretty good idea of where things are."

"Good way of looking at it! Things happen," Connie encouraged. He turned to face her, having not realized she was standing right behind him. She smiled and held out the bags of batter. "Here, I want to give you these. It's called friendship bread and it's very tasty." She then held out the piece of paper. "The instructions for making it are here."

Dib slowly reached a hand out to take one of the bags. Initially, he didn't realize she was giving him all three bags and nearly dropped two of them. "Wait a minute," he said as a realization hit him. He passed the bags of batter back to her and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "That's why you were so friendly to me and gave me all of that information about Vortians! You just want to coax me into eating this! For all I know, you could be Tak or Zim, or someone else whose bent on annihilating humanity!"

Affronted, Connie's eyes were wide in surprise. "Uhh... Okay. You don't have to take it--" she tried to say, but was interrupted by Dib's paranoid freakery. He was grinning triumphantly and pointing at Connie, eyes still narrowed. "Nice try, but it's not going to work this time! Maybe you aren't an enemy, but I'm not about to take chances with your mystery bread!" His expression then softened. "You have to be careful, you know? You understand. Well, cya!" With that said, he turned and headed away from the kitchen, leaving Connie with her 'mystery bread'.

Davis stopped eating to watch the scene. He was impressed by Dib's method of avoiding the friendship bread and wondered whether or not it was a faked episode of paranoia. With that on his mind, he snuck out of the kitchen with his bagel when Connie was still looking in the direction Dib had gone.

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I'm concerned that my ability to write fanfiction is lacking because I am so used to the format of role playing. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


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